From the Green Room: The SUCK UP
Hey! It’s Vince with the SUCK UP. I brought you the ShamWow, I brought you the Slap Chop, now I got the perfect solution for the oil spill in the Gulf. The SUCK UP. You’re cryin’ about the damage to the ecosystem? Suck it up!
Looka this: Patented pump action, vacuum technology. You stick the SUCK UP in the water, and one…two…three. Looka that. Now you got a half a cup o’ crude trapped inside the compartment. Oil floats to the top, open the bottom, water dumps back into the Gulf. See what I’m tellin’ ya? It’s easier than punching a hooker in the face. It’s made by Germany and, you know, they make good stuff.
You got a million barrels of oil in the water? Just place the SUCK UP right on the surface, one…two…three. Boom! See that? That’s six to eight ounces that’s not gonna wind up on your shrimp cocktail now. You seen the pelicans and the seagulls and the penguins all covered in that slimy crap? I’m not gonna eat that, you gonna eat that? No. Now you don’t have to, with the SUCK UP.
It’s so easy. One…two…three. Done. Now check this out: Opens up like a butterfly, pop it right in the dishwasher, forty minutes later, you’re good to go again. So simple. It’s like peeing in the pool. Even kids can do it. GET one for Mom, Dad, Billy, Sally, Gramma and Grampa…make it a family outing, have fun while you teach your kids to care about the environment.
Only 19.95… but if you order now, for the next twenty minutes, cos’ we can’t do this all day, I’m gonna give you another one, absolutely free. And if you order now, I’ll also include the BLAME THROWER. You made a mistake? Don’t wanna own up to it? Just point and shoot! “Not my fault. Your fault.”
Crude…Rude…Screwed…DUDE!
Stop whinin’ about the spill in the Gulf, suck it up with the SUCK UP. Order now. Waddya waitin’ for?