From the Green Room: Cuddling

Robert "Cuddle Me" RubinYou’d think that the Secretary of the Treasury would be one of the more boring cabinet positions. Then along comes a revelation about former Treasury Secretary Robert Rubin that blows that notion right out of the water:  according to sources, Bobby Bucks attempted to get his smoove on with former investment banker (and snappy dish) Iris Mack. But the way the nation’s “accountant general” likes to get busy, is not exactly the way the rest of us do. This tee-totaling, bean-counting nerd propositioned Ms. Mack…by asking her if she wanted to go upstairs and “cuddle.”

Yes, cuddle.

Two losers cuddlingEvery man has had that soul-crushing, demoralizing experience when his woman makes it known she’d prefer for the non-sexual intimacy to the favorite men’s choice: wild, abandoned, headboard-banging nookie.  When the horned toad rears its ugly head, a guy has a difficult time understanding why his old lady wants him to act like a cross between a giant throw pillow and a sleepy puppy. I’ve always maintained that if you just want to lie next to something warm, I’ll get you a hot water bottle. 

Playa Rubin, on the other hand, took the high road, not choosing the Bill Clinton/John Edwards method of spending an evening.  And yet, thinking about him curled up in a fetal position around this fiduciary fox skeeves me out more than imagining the two of them actually having sex.

Potential cuddler Lloyd BentsenSomething about Treasury Secretaries…hugging…is nastier than the idea of them doing the nasty.  Think about it.  You don’t want your head filled with the image of James Baker snuggling with his sweetie, do you?  Or Henry Paulson, naked and nuzzling? Try to conjure Lloyd Bentsen in his jammies “making spoons.”

Ewwww.

You could use that one next time you’re actually having sex and want to postpone the inevitable.  Trust me, it works better than thinking about baseball.