From the Green Room: Rob's Confession
Charles Gasparino was waiting in the Green Room when I got here. Why he was here so early, I’m not exactly sure, but part of me thinks he may have come straight from a swamp in the Meadowlands where he had to "Take care of some business."
He scares me.
Tony says he’s the kind of guy you could hear saying, "That’s enough…now answer the question." I, on the other hand, hear him saying, "Tell me the truth, and I swear on my children I won’t shoot you in the face."
I realize that my perception of our In-Studio Guests may be somewhat skewed, as I’m not the most open-minded person early in the morning. In fact, I deeply regret my assessment of Tony Hendra looking like the guy behind the counter at the adult book store asking if you need another roll of quarters for the Peep Show. I’m not a judgmental person by nature, but after 23 years of training in the world’s greatest master class on how to make peoples’ lives miserable, I simply cannot be engaged in conversation with anyone without exploiting the shortest distance between shaking their hands and finding whatever their personal shortcomings may be.
It’s almost a Pavlovian response. I just saw Chris Wallace’s promo photo for his upcoming appearance at 7:30 and almost immediately I thought: "Wow. Nice head. What are you? An NCAA Basketball team mascot?"
Which is why I found myself acting like someone who had just chugged a half-gallon of Hater-Ade when I saw Imus’s Ugg Boots. Somewhere, a 14-year old girl is walking around barefoot. I’m worried about him. I think that between his brave battle against prostate cancer and the high altitude at the ranch, he’s lost his effing mind. It was one thing to sport the cowboy boots that looked, as Tony said, like he’d "yanked them off Dora the Explorer’s feet." But what he’s wearing today makes him look like a Sherpa taking a group for a climb through the Himalayas.
Miley Cyrus wouldn’t wear those things.
I think an intervention may be necessary upon his return to the studio next week.
Maybe we could get Charles Gasparino to…give him a little "talking to."