August 17: Czech-Korean Relations; Way to Go, Ronnie; and Killer Maple Syrup

• smells like diplomacyThrow in some Cialis and we’ll call it even.  Czech Republic considers allowing North Korea to pay off some old debts by using one of its few valuable commodities…ginseng root aphrodisiac. Tons of it.  Basically broke Communist nation owes millions for heavy machinery it received during Eastern Europe’s Soviet era. “Should you experience an erection lasting more than four hours – hey, the stuff was primo.”
• Taliban play ‘rock, paper, scissors.’  Rock wins. Young couple, accused of adultery, stoned to death by Taliban morality cops in northern Afghanistan.  First, the 20-year-old woman was brought out and stoned for half an hour.  Then, the 28-year-old man. Analysts:  Forget “hearts and minds.”  Start by just trying to get these guys to drop the friggin’ rocks.
• this guy's a real winnerJersey Shore Cast, Keepin’ It Real.  Two weeks after “Snooki” got hauled away for alleged public drunkenness, now it’s cast member Ronald “Ronnie” Ortiz-Magro’s turn.  Busted for outstanding warrants on unpaid parking tickets.  No, it’s not exactly jackin’ cars, but at least it’s something to follow up on his arrest last year in a club brawl in Seaside Heights.  Represent!
• High Speed Chase Avoided.  Vancouver, British Columbia:  Elderly, 230 pound man robs Prince George Bank of Nova Scotia; makes getaway on a walker.  RCMP spokesman said suspect was apprehended about 45 minutes later and about 150 feet away.  Won’t have to do a “perp walk.”  More like a “perp shuffle.”
• thanks for protecting us from thisSecretary Napolitano, on the Case. Terrorism concerns end factory tours at Vermont maple syrup factory.  Maple Grove Farms of St. Johnsbury, one of the nation’s largest maple production facilities, says post 9/11 security guidelines didn’t prohibit the company from continuing tours it’s conducted for almost a century – but retrofitting the plant to separate tourists from the production floor, stipulated by guidelines, was way too expensive. Your Department of Homeland Security – keeping you safe – one can of maple syrup at a time
• Where we find ourselves today, in the regime of climate change science: Research published in the journal, “Nature Geoscience,” suggests ancient humans hunted giant wooly mammoths and mastodons to extinction some 13,000 years ago…causing a massive depletion in atmospheric methane from mastodon/mammoth flatulence that, in turn, produced an ice age.  Ergo, to prevent catastrophic climate change, begin rippin’ some mammoth farts.  our planet needs you.
• World Health Organization:  “Swine Flu Still Constitutes Worldwide Pandemic.”  Which is why roughly 70-million doses of swine flu sit unused or expired in clinics, doctor’s offices, and warehouses across the United States…and will have to be thrown out unless researchers discover that the vaccine compound breaks up oil.