May 6: The Times Square Bomber, Greeks, and Media Matters

• Faisal Shahzad: Just your average middle class American dad. Wife, two kids, house in Connecticut, M.B.A., SUV, bomb.  Well, maybe not “All-American.”  Just has some “issues,” doggone it.  And don’t we all, don’t we all.   Some of us try counseling; some of us try to blow up Times Square. 
• Sucker Still Unidentified. Speculation that anonymous “art” patron may never wish to be identified after plunking down a world record $106.5 million dollars this week for a Picasso that looked like it might have been rendered by an elephant trained to hold a paintbrush in its trunk.  
• CBS, CNN may move to “make it legal.”  Already well-known bedmates, the two rapidly receding media outlets reportedly are talking merger…in order to become a single rapidly receding media outlet.   Asked to comment on the potential of such a move, no analyst could be found who watched either CBS or CNN.
• Greeks go on rampage. Violent protests staged by parasitic citizens terrified that government’s emergency austerity measures might require them to actually go to work, get jobs, rise before noon.   Developing…
• Washington Post Co. looking to dump Newsweek.  Beleaguered 77-year-old left-leaning weekly, described by analysts as “a drag on its parent company,” is up for sale.  In a statement, Post Co. Chairman Donald E. Graham said that despite a recent top-to-bottom makeover, Newsweek “might be a better fit elsewhere.”   Moscow?
• Lindsay Lohan takes on role of Linda Lovelace in biopic about the infamous 1970’s Deep Throat star.  Without elaborating, producer Wali Razaqi said, “We’ve all thought how awesome of a performance Lindsay could give.”  Details about the movie will reportedly be released at the Cannes Film Festival May 10th…although when you think about it, what more is there to say?  
• Arizona, again. Here comes the TWI: “Teaching While Hispanic.”  Now, English teachers across the state are the subject of controversy as the Department of Education pushes districts to reassign instructors who do not speak English “well enough” themselves to be teaching the subject.  State Superintendent Tom Horne says “heavy accents” should be a disqualification.   Affected individuals apparently will not be asked, however, for papers to prove legal residency.
• And one more example of when you can be sure that you positively, no kiddin’, absolutely, “have had enough.” 25-year-old Mitchell Deslatte of Baton Rouge arrested after regrettable mistake:  Pulled car up to long, low building…went inside and asked “desk clerk” for a room.  Problem, long low building was not a motel.  What it was, was…headquarters Louisiana State Police Troop A.  He got a room. And a DUI on his pillow.