Thursday, April 15: Out-of-Control Cars, Pop Stars, and Priests

• Nuclear Summit produces agreement involving the U.S., Canada and Mexico that will help convert fuel at Mexico’s research reactor to a lower graded unsuitable for nuclear weapons.  Headline:  Mexico actually has something other than coke. 
• Japan still seeking to get even.   Toyota introduces new Lexus SUV, the “GX 460 Surprise.”  Feature of the 460 is to whip into a “360” when driver lifts foot off accelerator, causing vehicle to unsafely spin along its roll axis like a damn bottle rocket.
• Train wreck Amy Winehouse in hospital…again:  This time to have breast implants checked after complaining of discomfort.  They’re okay.  And really, really natural looking, too.  Brief hospital stay comes as Amy works to get her Rube Goldberg life together…working on a third album and “helping” the career of goddaughter Dionne Bromfield …Shall we all bow our heads a moment, for Dionne.
• She’s baaack.  Ex-Governor Eliot Spitzer’s preferred prostitute, Ashley Dupre, does May issue “Playboy spread.” Quite literally.  Splayed out across eight pages of magazine like a denuded carp.  Spitzer not expected to be offered any similar appearance by “Playgirl” magazine as publication of naked photographs of Eliot Spitzer could violate Homeland Security Act.
• Vatican issues guide for handling of priest sex-abuse cases that requires “investigating and reporting allegations.”  Come in off of that limb, Vatican.
• Wyoming man set to capture Guinness record for becoming a pincushion.  46-year-old Ed Bruns underwent five hours of body piercings – 1,506 to be exact – to break old single-session record of 304.  Two notary publics were on hand to certify documentation required by Guinness.  Afterward, Bruns reportedly kept only one of the piercings, a small dumbbell skewered through the back of his head. Yes. Dumbbell.
• Church Abuse?  Suicidal Swedish man, calling church crisis line for help, left pretty much to his own devices when priest on other end fell asleep, began snoring.  Man reported that a few minutes into the call he had the feeling that he was talking to himself.  Might as well have been.  “In-crisis” individual reportedly has not killed himself, but clearly needs to develop more compelling story for his own well-being.
• The Toyota of implants?   U.K. issues alert to plastic surgeons after discovering breast implants manufactured in France and sold worldwide are twice as likely to “blow out” as other manufacturers’.  Devices contain an unapproved silicone and could affect some 45,000 women, who are advised to monitor their implants and seek immediate medical attention if they’re suddenly found to be at waist level.