Tuesday: Plaugues, Promescuity, and PETA

• It’s over.  Here come the locusts:  Farmers and ranchers across the West brace for grasshopper infestation bigger than any year since 1985…millions of acres of crops and grazing land at risk, Dept. of Agriculture says.  Lice, frogs, boils, next.  Sarah Palin plague’s already out there. 
• Mexican Police Turn to Voodoo in War against Violent Cartels:  Priests smear officers with chicken blood on full moon nights to evoke spirits to help fight narco gangs.  Practice revealed when people began discovering trails of dead chickens on local beaches.  Seems to be working about as well as anything else: not at all.
• Naked Woman Tied to Tree in Tacoma Park Not a Problem:  Actual headline.  From Tacoma, Washington where police responded to nighttime 911 call about nude woman spotted tied to a tree…and found…well, “nude woman tied to a tree”…but “in consensual sex act” with 39-year-old man.  Couple simply “liked to engage in intimacy outdoors.”  No charges, yet, for… “going native.”
• And does the following have any bearing on the preceding?  British survey finds young women today are nearly three times more sexually active that those of the liberal heyday “Swinging 60’s”…with 5.65 sexual partners, on average, compared to 1.67 back when.  Exactly how many partners tie “objects of their affection” to Quaking Aspens, Eucalyptus and the like, not specified.
• Mob Museum opening in Las Vegas:  City leaders are under fire for dedicating public resources to “The Las Vegas Museum of Organized Crime.”  A couple of planned exhibits:  “Mob Mayhem” and “The Skim;” part of an overall thematic presentation that “celebrates organized crime” and anticipates up to 600,000 visitors a year.  “Stimulus” enough for us.  Got no problem with it at all.
• Uncle Cho died?  There’s an app for that:  Chinese officials say citizens are turning to online memorial services to save time and natural resources. Internet funerals suit China because of its “sparse land and huge population,” says Ministry of Civil Affairs.  Concept includes online gravestone, “virtual cemetery,” portrait of the deceased, photos of farewell party.  Only item not covered, actual disposition of the remains of the dearly “deleted.”
• Holy Ghost to Observe Easter in Big Sky Country:  Holy Ghost Terrill Dalton, 43, who also says he’s the Father of Jesus, has moved his 30-member church from Idaho to Montana because they were “drawn there.”   Church’s previous home was raided by the feds investigating reports of child sexual abuse and assassination threats against various government figures. Holy Ghost’s new neighbors described as “spooked.”
• Octomom, PETA, in Negotiations for ‘Overpopulation Ad': Animal rights group wants to help “Octomom” Nadya Suleman’s finances by placing billboard on her front lawn regarding dog and cat overpopulation. Suleman famously gave birth to octuplets, bringing her own litter to 14.  PETA says she’s ideal to illustrate pet production problem.