Tuesday's "News": Spray-Painted Chickens and A Gential Jamboree

• “Couch potatoes, unite!”  Study at Minneapolis Heart Institute finds group of elite marathoners had less body fat, better cholesterol and blood rates than non-runners being tested for cardiac ailments. But, paradoxically, the runners had more calcified plaque in their coronary arteries…a significant heart risk indicator.  Researchers had no idea why, or what it might mean.  Helpful. 
• “Missing element from Obamacare could have vastly broadened support.”  Dutch nurses launch campaign against demands for “sex services” by patients who say it should be part of standard care. Young heath care provider complained a patient asked her to provide “services” as part of his home care.  Some nurses actually complied, but complainant declined and howled.  Ruined everything for patient who’d been looking so much better.
• “I see live people.”   Attention Social Security Department:  Doris Temple lives.  85-year-old Walnut Creek Californian declared “deceased” by federal government.  Checking her pulse, and suspecting an error, she demurred…spent weeks trying to be “born again” while losing all sorts of benefits and health insurance. Finally won, but complains battle for life…damn near killed her.
• Forget the cherry blossoms, time for a “genital jamboree.”  Komaki, Japan welcomes in spring with annual penis and vagina festival…folk rite going back some 1.500 years and held to ensure a good harvest – or whatever.  Vendors sell penis and vagina-shaped candies, wood penis sculptures and vagina-shaped ashtrays…as faithful bow to enormous phallus fashioned from cypress tree trunk.  Bumper cucumber crop reported last year.
• Musselshell County, Montana: Politics. Sheriff candidate John White uniquely qualified: Served time for bank robbery, so knows the “inside story” of criminal justice system.  Sheriff candidate John White uniquely unqualified:  Prohibited from carrying a gun.
• Officials at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh are trying to determine who’s spray-painting chickens and turning them loose in campus buildings.  Pink one in a student center.  Purple one on a racquetball court.  Yellow one in campus maintenance facility.  Nine, of varying hues, recovered since the weekend.  No suspects as yet, though campus authorities say they wouldn’t be surprised to discover…it’s George Bush’s fault.
• “On second thought, maybe just a sandwich.”  Police say 55-year-old Polk County Florida woman locked herself in a bedroom in February to pray and fast.  Brought water and prayer requests with her and hung out “do not disturb” sign.  After 26 days, family members forced the door…found that she’d gone to be with Jesus.  Reportedly had fasted successfully before, once for 40 days.  Apparently, should’ve let that one make her point.
• Sucker Bet:  Two men who robbed a store in Dalian, China got into an argument over whether there’d been security cameras monitoring the store’s interior.  Made a wager and went back to the store to see who was right.  Winner, the guy who’d said there were security cameras.  Trial pending.