Mike Lupica and Imus Take Their Daily Conversation to the Airwaves, Ugliness Ensues

During an interview in which Mike Lupica wished, on several occasions, that he could literally put words back inside his mouth, he and the I-Man covered Derek Jeter, Tiger Woods, and the women’s World Cup soccer tournament. But first, a breathing update.
 
“I’m not good,” Imus told his friend. “I can’t breathe.” And while the very friendly doctors and nurses at The Imus Ranch have tried to ameliorate the situation, the two current volunteers recently told Deirdre, “Your husband is sicker than any of the kids.”
 
Following a few more minutes of describing how difficult it is for him to merely walk across a room some days, Imus finally concluded, “But I’m better today.”
 
He’s probably still not feeling as great as Jeter, who on Saturday got his 3,000^th career hit by way of a homerun at Yankees Stadium. “This reminded you of how this guy has provided, almost from the beginning of his career, ‘the big moment,’” said Lupica, a sports columnist at the New York Daily News and host of The Mike Lupica Show on ESPN Radio in New York.
 
Admittedly, it had been a while since Jeter had wowed the crowd at Yankees Stadium, which Lupica maintained is the best backdrop for a momentous sports event. “It was nice to see Derek have all his old friends back in the media again on Saturday,” he said.
 
What’s more, the 23-year old kid who caught the ball that sailed over the outfield wall to welcome Jeter into the 3,000 club handed the valuable memento over to the Yankees shortstop without demanding anything in return.
 
“There’s no telling how much money he could have made,” Lupica said. That he did not even consider “running right to Sotheby’s and getting a broker” to auction off the ball “was just one more element to the day,” in Lupica’s slobbering opinion.
 
Finally, after Lupica hailed Jeter for managing to “be on the stage in New York this long without any of the pitfalls and scandals and back pages that have befallen almost everybody else in sports over his time,” Imus had heard enough.
 
“You’re serving, essentially, as Derek Jeter’s butt boy here this morning,” he told Lupica, who quickly blew his pal’s cover by revealing that Imus had waxed poetic on the phone on yesterday about “what a nice guy” Jeter is.
 
Annoyed, Imus shot back, “I had overnight to think about it, you midget.”
 
Following this ugliness, Lupica predicted Tiger Woods would announce at a press conference later today that he’s going to take the rest of the year off, maybe to get knee replacement surgery. Lupica agreed with Imus that Dr. Michael Bronson is the best joint replacement doctor in the world, but was hesitant to commend the doctor too strongly for fear of being called his “butt boy.”
 
The USA women’s soccer team lodged a dramatic victory yesterday over Brazil in the World Cup, leading Imus to say to his guest, “I was out here helping sick children with cancer, while you were apparently drinking beer with your children, watching women’s soccer on television, so go ahead and tell me about it.”
 
After instructing Imus to “ask that question again in a nicer way,” Lupica provided that the game was unbelievable: the USA was playing a woman short; got several bad calls, including a re-shot penalty goal; only to score at the last minute and win the game. “I’m not a big soccer fan,” Lupica said. “But this was a great day yesterday.”
 
Unlike, say, today, judging but this conversation with Imus.
 
-Julie Kanfer