Blonde on Blonde: Arnold, Housekeepers, and Organic Living

Seriously, the I-Man’s hair looked great this morning, according to Deirdre Imus and Lis Wiehl. Hoping not to offend poor little Connell, Deirdre noted that he also looked great, but was instructed by her husband, “Let’s not make it cougar time with Connell.”
 
Moving on to more adulterous matters, both Blondes called former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger “pathetic” and “sad” for hiding from his soon-to-be ex-wife Maria Shriver and their four children that he had fathered a child ten years ago with the family’s longtime housekeeper.
 
That Arnie kept this information under wraps for so long is “shocking” to the legal-minded Lis, who wasted no time pointing out that the housekeeper in question probably “got a good settlement” from the former Terminator.
 
“It’s all about the money for you, isn’t it?” Imus mused.
 
In Deirdre’s opinion, but for Shriver’s connections and influence, Schwarzenegger would still be making “hasta la vista” movies or throwing back steroids to compete in bodybuilding contests. Lis agreed, though she believes the Austrain-born Schwarzenegger is “no idiot” to have made it as far as he has in life.
 
“This is a guy who built himself up pretty much from nothing in Austria, and came here to this country with nothing, and made a national career for himself,” she said, to gasps of horror from her fellow Blonde.
 
“That has nothing to do with someone’s moral compass, or their integrity, or their honesty,” Deirdre shot back. Lis did not dispute that observation, saying only that she thinks Schwarzenegger deserves credit for pulling himself up by his bootstraps.
 
And before Imus could hang himself with a bootstrap, he dinged the bell and kicked off round two of Blonde on Blonde by asking Deirdre to explain how a person might cost-effectively tackle the overwhelming task of eating organically and using non-toxic cleaning agents.
 
“It doesn’t have to be more expensive,” Deirdre said. “What’s more expensive is eating cheap food, crap that makes you sick, because that’s paying for health care. It’s like a car: if you put bad gasoline in it, or cheap gasoline, what happens?”
 
Deirdre suggested people prioritize by looking at the foods that are most heavily sprayed with pesticides, and buying those organically whenever possible. She also recommended making a weekly menu and food-shopping list. “You’ll save money just knowing what you’re feeding your family, rather than wing it,” she said.
 
Having allowed Deirdre to go on for longer than usual, Lis jumped in and explained why that tactic is easier said than done. “Most of us on a budget are cooking seven nights a week,” she said. “You know how I plan my menu? I think about it on the train on the way home, when I’ve got ten minutes.”
 
But ten minutes is all it takes Deirdre each week to plan out her family’s healthy menu. “People don’t care, and they don’t take the time,” she opined.
 
People also don’t have a housekeeper to aid in the shopping and preparation of said menu, Imus explained to his lovely wife. As she protested that their housekeeper isn’t deciding what they eat, Bernard cut her off before the opportunity passed him by.
 
“Does the housekeeper have a kid?” he wondered. “And is the kid kinda mean?”
 
­-Julie Kanfer