Blonde on Blonde: "Heart of Ice," Dancing with the Stars, and Stuff Kids Shouldn't Wear
Before setting the Blondes at each other’s throats this morning, Imus graciously allowed Lis Wiehl a few moments to promote her new book Heart of Ice, in which a manipulative woman convinces everybody around her to do exactly as she wishes. “Why are you looking at Deirdre while you’re talking?” Imus wondered.
Insisting she was merely “looking around,” Lis let Imus down when she admitted Heart of Ice contains no “hot sex,” though there is innuendo. “It’s nuanced,” she said, whatever that means.
While the fun stuff is left to the reader’s imagination in Heart of Ice, viewers of Dancing with the Stars did not need to imagine anything the other night, when Kirstie Alley fell on top of her dancing partner during their choreographed routine on live television.
“She’s fat—she has a problem, the poor thing,” Deirdre said, compassionately, a decidedly different tune than she was humming yesterday.
“You didn’t think it was sad last night when you played it for me over and over again, and you were screaming laughing,” Imus chimed in.
But today is a new day. “I feel bad for her,” Deirdre said. “She’s adorable.”
Lis, perhaps in deference to the title of her book, felt no empathy toward Alley, whom Deirdre labeled a food addict. “It must be very difficult,” Lis conceded. “I’m just not crying onions for this woman.”
Neither was Imus, who agreed with his wife’s assertion that Alley should embrace her hefty proportions. “Then Wyatt and Joe Beaver could rope her,” he pointed out.
Someone slightly less rotund than Alley, Donald Trump, has garnered much attention lately over whether or not he’ll run for President in 2012. “I think it is serious,” Lis said, but cautioned The Donald to tone done down his rhetoric. “All the hyperbole now is fine, but if you’re really going to make a serious run you’ve got to bring it back and get the moderates on board.”
Imus has known Trump for 30 years, and predicted he is too thin-skinned to stand the press assault that comes with a run for president. “What better do Republicans have?” Lis countered. “It is a sorry group of folks right now.”
And any of those sorry folks would be preferable to whomever came up with the idea for Abercrombie & Fitch to make push-up bikini tops and thongs with seductive sayings for girls as young as seven years old.
“This should be against the law!” Deirdre cried. “This is pornography gone mainstream.”
Lis was equally disgusted, but noted that the clothing line cannot be outlawed. Instead, outraged consumers should speak with their wallets, and not buy the offensive items.
“That’s the reason this country’s going to hell in a hand basket,” Imus said to Lis. “Because we have a bunch of liberal weenies like you, who want to let these kids smoke dope and run around in thongs and push-up bras.”
Deirdre was less bothered by the idea of a man replacing Katie Couric in the anchor chair at the CBS Evening News, though she noted the perception would be that poor little Katie required rescuing to get the ratings up.
“Those are the facts, sweetheart,” said Imus. “Ring the bell. School’s in.”
-Julie Kanfer
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