Blonde on Blonde: Online Dating; Soap Operas; and Deirdre's Uncanny Ability to Bring Everything Back to Poison

After weeks of waiting to get his Blonde on Blonde bell, Imus commented today that perhaps a Blonde on Blonde pole would have been more suitable. Questioned by Deirdre Imus and Lis Wiehl about his remark, Imus meekly replied, “You weren’t supposed to be listening.”
 
Besides, it was a rough morning for the I-Man. “I have the worst haircut I’ve ever had,” he said, his voice dripping with despair. Imus partially blamed his wife for his botched hairdo, since she was “yakking” with the stylist throughout last night’s appointment at their home.
 
“Can I come back to normal people land?” Lis butted in. “You have an esteemed haircutter that comes to your house, cuts your hair, and you’re complaining?”
 
Yes. But, to be fair, Imus spent his fair share of time in “real people land” in his younger years, hanging off boxcars for 16 hours a day and working in a mine a mile underground.
 
Which all sounds preferable to navigating the world of online dating. In California, a woman is suing the website Match.com, claiming a man she met there followed her home after their second date and raped her. Ever vigilant in her research, Lis went through the steps of singing up for Match.com and discovered that subscribers are not required to disclose criminal history, though it is often readily available elsewhere.
 
“I did a criminal history check of this guy,” she said, referring to the accused rapist in the California case. “Within about ten seconds, I got a full criminal history. Why didn’t the woman at least Google him?”
 
Deirdre latched on to Lis’s theory, and Imus accused them both of blaming the victim. Trying to illustrate on her point, Lis added, “You can’t sue a bar if you meet at a bar, and that terrible thing happened,” she said, causing Deirdre to recall fondly the school bus stop where she met her husband.
 
Speaking of education, California lawmakers want to require public schools to add the history of gay, bisexual and transgendered people to social studies lessons, but to do so in only a positive light.
 
“They should be treated the same way” as other groups, in Deirdre’s view, and Lis concurred, saying, “If you’ve got somebody who’s gay who did bad stuff—you can’t talk about that? That’s not fair.”
 
Also an injustice: the cancellation of soap operas like “All My Children” and “One Life to Live,” which Deirdre supposed nobody watches anymore since the advent of reality television shows like The Real Housewives of New York City, her personal favorite.
 
“I don’t think any of them are good role models—at all,” she stressed. “It’s entertainment. It’s train wreck TV.”
 
It’s a whole lot less dangerous than dodgeball, at least according to the New York State Health Department, which wants to ban activities like dodgeball, wiffle ball, capture the flag, and tag form being played at day camps because of the risk of injury.
 
Everybody thought this proposal was ridiculous, but Deirdre took it to another level when she noted that government officials should be more concerned with the amounts of pesticides on the grass the children are running on than with these silly games.
 
“How do you get from wiffle ball to pesticides?” Lis wondered.
 
Knowing from whence he speaks, Imus replied, “It’s very easy to go from anything to pesticides.”
 
-Julie Kanfe