Blonde on Blonde: Charlie Sheen, Women's History Month, and Gender Equality

In Imus’s view, and likely that of Lis Wiehl, Deirdre Imus, and anybody with ears, it’s impossible to play too many cuts of Charlie Sheen ranting and raving like a lunatic about his life, his career, his drug use, and everything else he can think of.
 
“Who doesn’t like train wreck TV?” Deirdre said of Sheen’s recent media blitz. She noted the similarities between the character Sheen plays on CBS’s hit sitcom “Two and a Half Men” and the person he is in real life, calling him “a method actor.”
 
Or, as Lis more aptly described it, “A Meth actor.”
 
Deirdre chided CBS for portraying Sheen’s television character as a womanizing party boy, implying that it only eggs him on in real life, but Lis, a fan of the show, insisted Sheen’s behavior on “Two and a Half Men” is tame by comparison.
 
“He’s got a lot of girlfriends and he’s a doltish, big brother type, but he’s not doing cocaine, which is illegal last I looked, and he’s not with prostitutes,” Lis said. “That’s a huge difference from his personal life.”
 
Given Sheen’s interest in females (he has two porn star girlfriends, after all), Imus noted that Women’s History Month kicked off yesterday. What better way to ring in the festivities than with a conference in Washington, DC on the impact of first ladies?
 
“History hasn’t given enough attention to first ladies,” Lis said. “They’re in an impossible situation—if they try to do too much, like Hillary Clinton with health care, then they’re trying to be a ‘twofer’ at the White House, and we don’t want twofers.”
 
Most first ladies, Deirdre observed, are rather benign, always making sure they don’t say anything that could jeopardize their husband’s agenda. “In other words,” her husband, whose sole agenda is to annoy his wife, began, “An appropriate role for women.”
 
Another question of appropriateness was raised not long ago in Oregon, where police questioned a nine-year old girl—without her parents knowing—about whether her father had sexually abused her. They conducted the interrogation at her school, and without a warrant, which is not required. The Supreme Court is now hearing the case, and Lis, an attorney, believes no laws were violated, and that the police acted in the best interests of the child.
 
“Let’s assume for a minute that it’s true, that there was abuse,” she said. “If you go to the mother, she’s going to cover up for the father; she probably even knew about it. If you go to the father, he’s not going to give consent. In fact, worse than that, he’s going to try to get rid of any evidence, talk to the kid, make sure the kid doesn’t say anything.”
 
Deirdre tried to point out that the girl only implicated her father after being worn down by the cops for two hours, but Imus hushed her. “Lis went to Harvard Law School,” he told his wife. “You went to Villanova on a track scholarship.”
 
Coming to her fellow blonde’s defense, Lis said, “She is smarter than most lawyers I know, and has more common sense than most people I know.”
 
All of this female empowerment was bringing the I-Man down, but he’s not alone: a recent study found that men are more prone to depression when their wives make more money than they do.
 
To his credit, Imus strongly believes women should make just as much money as men do, in all sectors. “I just think it should be for a job in the kitchen,” he said, smirking. “Or on the business end of a mop.”
 
Mop this.
 
-Julie Kanfer