All Guests Should Be as Honest (and Funny) as Theater Critic Michael Riedel

New York Post theatre critic Michael Riedel was brought in today to do one thing, and one thing only: bash “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark,” or as he called it, “the new, big, epic flop on Broadway.” And that was putting it mildly.
 
“The plot is completely incoherent, the music by U2 is boring and pretentious,” Riedel, who has covered theatre for 20 years, said. “The acting is pretty awful and the sets, which have been written about a lot because they often don’t work, I think are garish and over-the-top.”
 
Director Julie Taymor, of The Lion King fame, has been allowed to “run wild” with this show, in Riedel’s view. “She’s now spent $65-70 million on this train wreck,” he said. “And nobody seems to be in charge, in control of this show.”
 
A successful Broadway show, he explained, requires a strong producer keeping everything in check. And while Taymor is undeniably talented, “you’ve got to have someone on top of her, controlling the show, saying, ‘No, it’s going to cost too much money. No, you can’t do that because the actors might get hurt,’” Riedel said.
 
In fact, four actors in Spider-Man have already been hurt, one seriously, which Riedel acknowledged has been driving ticket sales during the now three months of previews. “I went one night and the place was packed,” he said. “Everybody pulled our their cell phone cameras, hoping to get a picture of somebody dying.”
 
In a way, Spider-Man has benefited from all the negative press, because Riedel is certain nobody is running to the show for its riveting storyline. “The first half is your standard Spider-man story: the kid gets bitten by a spider and becomes a superhero,” he said. “The second half is kind of Julie Taymor’s trip, shall we say, through the collection of Ovid and Homer, and all the great Greek myths, and Greek writers she’s read. She put it into this musical that’s based on a cartoon character.”
 
Critics have roundly panned the show, and Imus, for one, would only go see it if he could be guaranteed one of the actors would fall—but not die or get hurt—during the performance he attends. “We’ve got four,” Riedel said. “So keep your fingers crossed.”
 
Like Frank Rich, who was a notoriously harsh theatre critic at The New York Times before he moved on to political fare, Riedel noted the ability to be nasty is a prerequisite for his job. “I could slit my mother’s throat if I have to,” he told Imus, proudly.
 
As such, Imus tested Riedel on some of his own Broadway favorites. American Idiot? “Good show, great score, I like Green Day a lot.” His only complaint was with the storytelling. “It’s a play about slackers who just want to do drugs, and drink, and not work. Part of me says, ‘Get off the couch, get a job, and your life will be better, and stop whining about it.’”
 
To Imus’s horror, Riedel called Million Dollar Quartet “pretty cheap stuff,” even though Levi Kreis, the actor portraying Jerry Lee Lewis, was pretty good. He was unsure if Kreis was still in MDQ, but noted, “I don’t think he’s in demand anywhere else.”
 
Riedel hated Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson; loved Billy Elliot; and is looking forward to the revival of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, starring Imus in the Morning’s own Rob Bartlett, who has had some hits and misses over the years on Broadway.
 
“He has the distinction of writing, after ‘Spider-Man,’ the second worst show I’ve ever seen: ‘More to Love,’” Riedel said, but quickly changed his tune on Rob. “He is an absolutely terrific performer on Broadway. His Amos in ‘Chicago’—one of the best performances I’ve ever seen.”
 
Riedel pointed out Rob’s strength as a “good old-fashioned character actor,” but noted one potential pitfall of Rob’s role in How to Succeed. “I hear he’s dancing,” Riedel said. “Which could be a little terrifying.”
 
-Julie Kanfer