Blonde on Blonde: Pirates, Ribs, and Racy Bible Stories

It seemed insane to Imus that anybody would sail the dangerous waters of the Indian Ocean of their own volition. But that’s exactly what four American were doing last week, for fun, when Somali pirates hijacked their yacht. Though the U.S. government attempted to save them, the Americans were killed during an altercation yesterday between the hijackers and U.S. forces.
 
“You’re blaming the victim,” Lis Wiehl told Imus during today’s installment of Blonde on Blonde. Deirdre Imus swiftly agreed that her husband’s attitude stunk, saying, “Lis has a point. They were warned this could be dangerous.”
 
Interestingly, Somalis attribute the proliferation of these types of incidents over the years to the increased toxicity of their waters. “They couldn’t fish,” Lis said. “Their livelihoods were taken away.”
 
Someone else whose livelihood should be taken away is Sarah Palin, who made a boob of herself (pun intended) last week by criticizing Michelle Obama’s campaign to encourage women to breastfeed their babies.
 
“There aren’t words to describe how stupid she is,” Imus said, after listening to Palin claim that Michelle is promoting breastfeeding because the price of commodities in this country—such as milk—is too high.
 
“First of all, you don’t feed your baby cartons of milk,” Deirdre, who often defends Palin when her husband chastises her, said. What’s more, Palin has been shown feeding her baby not just formula, but powdered formula mixed with tap water.
 
Which may not be so far off from what Lis, a working mother, did with her own children once she stopped breastfeeding them. In her defense, she noted that her kids are still alive. “They won’t be going to the MENSA picnic,” Imus joked. “But they’re alive.”
 
When Palin and other Republicans take on issues like this, it seems to Deirdre that they’re seizing any opportunity to disagree with the Obamas. Yet she didn’t change her position that Michelle should be practicing what she preaches when it comes to eating healthily, and not gorging herself on ribs during a skiing trip.
 
Perhaps because she does not eat them, Deirdre revealed she was born with an extra rib. “I have three testicles,” her husband shot back, as though this were some sort of contest.
 
On the subject of sex, two books were published recently about the racier parts of the bible; for instance, the Song of Solomon, a poem that reaches back 1200 years, according to Charles, and that allegedly speaks to God’s love for Israel, or to Jesus’s love for the Church.
 
“The obsession is mutual, carnal, complete,” Charles said, reading the text. “The man lingers over his lovers eyes, hair, her teeth, lips, temples, neck, and breasts…the girl returns his lust with lust.”
 
More icky stuff followed, words that Deirdre declared “absolutely beautiful.” Lis insisted individuals have the right to interpret the passage as they please.
 
As long as they don’t please themselves. Noted Bernard, “Do we want our bible pages sticking together?”
 
-Julie Kanfer