Blonde on Blonde: New Year's, Housewives, and Rex Ryan

Before delving into more scintillating topics, Deirdre Imus and Lis Wiehl kicked of 2011 with a Blonde on Blonde New Year’s resolution update: Lis doesn’t make ‘em, and Deirdre’s is, well, TMI.
 
“Probably more sex,” she declared, and before Bernard, Lou or Charles could say it, her husband responded, “Would that be with me?”
 
Though she makes no resolutions, Lis, along with her 13-year old daughter and some of her friends, watched the New Year’s Eve television programming, including, but not limited to, the one hosted on by stroke survivor, and broadcast legend, Dick Clark.
 
“It’s my theory that if you watch the ball drop, you’re one of life’s losers,” Imus said. “However, not if you’re 13. Then it’s cool.”
 
It was not so cool, in his view and that of the Blondes, for ABC to give Clark, whose speech and appearance have been obviously affected by his stroke, so much air time.
 
“It’s an inspiration to people who have suffered debilitating strokes,” Bernard insisted, but Lis countered that less would have been more. “To let him go out there and go on and on and on, it’s embarrassing.”
 
Deirdre, on the other hand, learned from Clark’s appearance. “I’m going to stop you when I see the oatmeal dripping down your shirt,” she lovingly told her aging spouse. 
 
But some other people on television willfully act like fools on a regular basis, and they’re a lot younger than the I-Man. Enter Dagen McDowell to join Deirdre and Lis in a discussion of “The Real Housewives,” specifically those morons out in Beverly Hills.
 
“I LOVE, love, love it,” Deirdre said of the program, adding, “And I don’t know why. I ask myself every time, why am I watching?”
 
Luckily, Dagen had the answer: “It’s the same reason that if I’m driving by the mini-mart in my hometown, and there are two Meth heads fighting over some man in the parking lot, pulling their hair out, I’m pulling into the parking lot.” The “Housewives” shows are even better, she said, because “these women have a whole lot of money, and a whole lot of time on their hands. They’re crazier than anybody I grew up with.”
 
Lis “can’t stand those shows,” but she was in the minority today, with both Dagen and Deirdre raving about the series, particularly the insane ladies in Beverly Hills, two of whom are aunts to Paris Hilton. “Which is genius,” Dagen said, noting that Faye Resnick, whose claim to fame was posing naked in Playboy after her best friend Nicole Brown Simpson was murdered by her husband, also makes a cameo.
 
“And then you wonder, ‘Where’s Kato Kaelin?’” Dagen said. “Well, he was on an earlier episode!”
 
Needless to say, Deirdre and Dagen are stoked for the next season of “The Real Housewives of New York” to start up again soon. Lis’s reaction? “What a waste of time.”
 
Maybe. But not as big a waste of time, or pride, as making a video of a someone massaging your wife’s feet, as New York Jets coach Rex Ryan did, and which somehow, by the grace of God, wound up on the internet. Though Ryan and his wife are not doing anything wrong, per se, Imus’s pal Mike Lupica contended that “if your judgment is such that you’re making a video with some other dude rubbing on your wife’s big old ugly feet…this is simply the tip of the iceberg.”
 
Ever logical, Deirdre supposed that Ryan had no choice but to play videographer in that scenario. “He’s probably behind the camera, going crazy,” she said, causing everyone within earshot to collectively vomit.
 
-Julie Kanfer