Nantz Sent Imus a Special Message

this picture never gets oldJim Nantz, the affable, multi-talented, slightly hoarse commentator for CBS Sports, was not back on the blow, as Imus suggested. Trying to make up for this mean-spirited remark, Imus noted that his guest appeared to have dropped a few pounds. “I’ve never had a weight issue that I’m aware of,” Nantz said, amused and slightly insulted.
 
Imus finally found his guest’s sweet spot when he complimented his performance, alongside Peyton Manning, in commercials for Sony’s new 3-D televisions. Nantz waxed nostalgic on how Manning’s ad-libbing genius resulted in a knock-out campaign, but Imus made a different, less optimistic observation.
 
“You know what’s unfortunate?” he said. “That Panasonic’s a better TV.”
 
Regardless of television brand, chances are millions of Americans will watch this weekend’s NFL playoff games between the Green Bay Packers and Chicago Bears, and the New York Jets and Pittsburgh Steelers. Nantz and his broadcasting partner Phil Simms will be in Pittsburgh, and predictably, Nantz was unwilling to say which team he thought would win there. (Something about having to “call the game” and not wanting to appear “slanted.”)
 
“They just played a month ago, and we did the game, and it came down to the last play of the game, an incompletion, and the Jets won for the first time ever in Pittsburgh,” Nantz said. “So they’re evenly matched, however, I will add that Troy Polamalu was not there when they played the first go-round. He makes a huge difference.”
 
Imus lamented that neither he nor Warner were able to jump on the Jets bandwagon this week, in the wake of all the atrocious things they said about the Jets last week, particularly concerning their Coach Rex Ryan.
 
“He’s a heck of a coach, and he’s done remarkable things in two years,” Nantz said, declining to comment on Ryan’s disturbing foot fetish, or his seeming inability to ever shut his mouth.
 
In Sunday’s other game, Nantz went against Warner’s pick of the Packers to take the Bears, even though he thinks Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers is “a Superbowl-winning quarterback,” if not this year, then in the future.
 
Imus was unable to remember quite a few things this morning, among them that Nantz and Simms called the Jets-Patriots game last week, where Nantz was critical of one Jets player’s celebration technique toward the end of the game.
 
“When they scored the last touchdown against New England to go up 28-14, Shonn Greene immediately fell down in the end zone and feigned as if he was napping,” Nantz said, calling the move “premeditated.” “I don’t mind people celebrating, as long as it’s a real, authentic, natural reaction, and not some sort of act.”
 
As a result of Greene’s behavior, the Jets were penalized on the kickoff, allowing the Patriots better field position, and the opportunity to score again, which they promptly did. “That last touchdown was meaningless,” Imus told Nantz, who insisted otherwise. Luckily, Imus was too uninformed to argue his point further.
 
Imus concluded today’s fun with Nantz by asking, as he has of an uncomfortable number of guests recently, if the acclaimed play-by-play man has ever sent a picture of his penis to anyone.
 
Puzzled, Nantz replied, “You didn’t get it?”
 
-Julie Kanfer