Imus Ticks Off Gasparino's Aunt, or Something

Frankly, Charles Gasparino has had enough of Imus’s jokes about his drinking and cavorting with members of organized crime. “You’ve got half my family up in arms,” the Fox Business Network Senior Correspondent told Imus. “Every time you say something like that, I get a call from my mother-in-law.”

Informed that said mother-in-law wishes to kick his rear end, Imus offered up an apology. “I’m sorry ma’m,” he said. “I won’t say anything about your gangster nephew, or whatever he is, and his cohorts Neil Cavuto or Bo Dietl.”

Moving on, Gasparino informed Imus of something he already knew: Fox Business Network is “destroying” CNBC, Gasparino’s former home. “I talk to people everyday on Wall Street, and they really like our coverage,” he said.

Included in that coverage would be Gasparino breaking the news yesterday that Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner is going on a “charm offensive” with big business CEOs.

“He’s trying to say that Obama is not anti-business,” said Gasparino. “People are telling me it’s too little, too late.”

Unlike in 2008, when business leaders overwhelmingly supported Obama over Senator John McCain, right now donations are breaking pretty evenly between Republicans and Democrats, Gasparino reported.

“Obama needs Wall Street if he’s going to get reelected,” he said. “They provide the seed capital for all those wonderful rallies he holds. He’s got a major fundraising problem right now.”

But digging deep for the big storiees, as Gasparino does day in and day out, ain’t easy. “I look at this as a battle,” he said, referring to his competition with CNBC. He added, “It warms my heart everyday when I scoop them, when I beat them.”

Warned that he was about to dislocate his shoulder patting himself on the back, Gasparino untangled himself to tell Imus the state of the overall economy is tepid.

“If you look at growth and GDP, we’re out of the Great Recession,” he said, but noted that banks are still not loaning, and business are still not hiring. “Why? I talk to small business people all the time. They’re afraid of entitlements, they’re afraid of higher taxes.”

Obama’s track record, including a “mother load of taxes and regulations,” proves he is anti-business, in Gasparino’s view. “That’s Obama’s problem: he bails out Wall Street, they have very low unemployment,” said Gasparino. “He doesn’t bail out Main Street, they have very high unemployment.”

Imus praised his guest for his knowledge and insight, causing Gasparino to lapse into momentary insanity and admit he’s always felt he and the I-Man were kindred spirits.

“I’ve never been in the mafia,” Imus noted. “Oh no, now your aunt’s pissed off at me again!”

She’s probably not the only one.

-Julie Kanfer