Bo Dietl Tries to Score Some Business on the Air

Not surprisingly, the doctor currently tending to children at the Imus Ranch claims to know Bo Dietl from—where else?—Rao’s, the legendary and impossible-to-get-into Italian restaurant on Manhattan’s Upper East Side. 

Despite his affiliation with Bo, Dr. James Malpeso, a pioneering heart surgeon at the Staten Island Heart Institute, is, by all accounts, a wonderful guy, having driven five-and-a-half hours to the Imus Ranch from Denver, Colorado when it became apparent that he and two Ranch-bound children were going to miss their connecting flight.

But Bo wanted to talk about a person of far lesser stature: Jamie Gorelick, a former executive at Fannie Mae who is now representing BP in congressional inquiries about its oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico.

“She received hundreds of millions of dollars of bonuses, resulting in the cooked books back when they had the overstatement of these loans,” Bo said of Gorelick’s time at Fannie Mae. “She should be in jail.”

Looking much like a 1920’s criminal himself this morning, dressed in a pinstripe suit and purple polka dot tie, Bo further accused Gorelick of being “the genius behind not sharing with the CIA and the FBI” information about the 9/11 attacks.

“Now this woman is sucking on BP!” Bo wailed. “BP should do some due diligence. They should hire a company like mine to do some due diligence of this Jamie Gorelick.”

Wait a minute.

“This sounds like a pitch for business for your firm,” Imus speculated, referring to Bo Dietl & Associates.

But Gorelick is so obviously a crook, in Bo’s view, that even Stevie Wonder could have done a background check on her.

“Why would Stevie Wonder do it?” Imus asked. “He’s a singer.”

Moving on to the “homicidal maniac” Joran van der Sloot, who confessed to killing a woman in Peru a few weeks ago, Bo reported that van der Sloot’s mother said her son was about to check into an insane asylum in the Netherlands before fleeing his native Aruba, where, in 2005, many believe he killed Natalee Holloway.

“Let’s get the death penalty in Peru, and fry him up,” said Bo. “Cook him up with one of those llamas, and get rid of him!”

Another great idea, courtesy of Bo Dietl. No associates needed. 

-Julie Kanfer