Shep Smith Needs a Wake-Up Call. Literally.

Following a stern admonishment for phoning in late, Shepard Smith learned that the “Around the World in 80 Seconds” segment on his Fox News show “Studio B” keeps the I-Man on the edge of his seat.

“I never think you’re going to make it!” said Imus, oblivious to the magic of television editing. “You were at 22 seconds yesterday with some story about Russia, and I thought, it’s not going to happen, he’s not going to make it.”

But he did, and even though he’s better at cramming a lot of news into 80 seconds than he is at waking up early for television and radio interviews, Smith was fired up today about the seemingly never ending oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico.

To Maureen Dowd’s point in today’s New York Times that the bloom is off the rose for President Obama after his handling of the oil spill, Smith said, “He obviously didn’t cause it, but he hasn’t stepped up with the urgency that I think a lot of Americans want to see.”

Unlike, say, Imus, the President rarely shows anger or outrage in public, a trait that is hurting him in this time of national crisis. But whether Obama’s hair is on fire or not, one thing’s for sure…

“I-Man, we’re going to lose a whole way of life,” Smith said regretfully. “And it doesn’t matter if they stop this thing now or not. It’s most likely gone—125 miles are oiled up in Louisiana, the marshes die, and the coast falls into the water.”

In fact, Smith believes maps of Louisiana will have to be redrawn when the marshes, which are not regenerative, die from the oil. BP, the company whose exploded rig caused this mess back in April, claims it’s in “the process of evaluating” the best options for burning off the oil in the waters or building sand levees, but patience is wearing thin.  

“Screw process!” said Smith, adding that South Louisianans want to see money thrown at a solution, not just at subsidies for fisherman whose trades are essentially dead.

“How long is BP going to subsidize them?” Smith wondered. “Because there is no more fishing. There is no more South Louisiana.”

People on the Coast have told Smith that BP, which claims to have thousands and thousand of people on the beaches and in the marshes to stop the oil from coming in, needs more pushing. He’s unsure if Attorney General Eric Holder threatening to bring criminal action against the company will do anything to help.

Smith was certain, however, that life on the Gulf Coast would never be restored if the oil comes into the marshes. “Nobody wants it on the beach, obviously, but the marsh is a different thing,” he said. “The beach doesn’t die.”

There was more to discuss, but Smith’s tardiness made that difficult. Naturally, Imus noted that his guests from CBS or ABC manage to call in on time; then again, he added, “They’re not number one, are they?”

Ever obedient, Smith replied, “No, Sir. They’re not anymore.”

-Julie Kanfer