Today, He Was Pretty Much Carl "One Question" Jeffers

The newest member of the Cavuto crime family, Carl “Two Questions” Jeffers, appeared from an undisclosed location in Los Angels this morning and saluted Cavuto for finally implementing an affirmative action program.

To Imus’s disbelief that his guest is an African-American, Jeffers said, “I’m delighted to be able to announce it for the first time!” He further insisted, despite Imus’s claims to the contrary, that Cavuto had not “stolen” him away from this program.

“He and I do a weekly appearance that I enjoy a great deal,” said Jeffers. “But no one could steal me away from the Imus show!”

And why not? “You and I have this very special environment we’ve created where we can talk about issues of race when there’s no crisis, or no incident has come up,” said Jeffers. “But just to foster understanding.”

After waxing poetic about two entertainment figure he sees as important to African-American history, singer Lena Horne and actor Robert Culp, Jeffers analyzed President Obama’s nomination of Solicitor General Elena Kagan to fill retiring Justice John Paul Stevens’s seat on the Supreme Court.

“Elena Kagan is going to be confirmed,” Jeffers said, citing as reasons her many qualifications, among them dean of Harvard Law School, and the consistency she would bring to the Court. “Republicans will not oppose her because they know it does not change the current makeup.”

Instead, he added, they’ll “save their ammunition to wait for the next appointment, which most likely would be a Conservative leaving the Court and being replaced by an appointment from President Obama.”

Moving away from the politics of the situation, Jeffers expressed his fascinated with America’s evolution over the last two centuries, and highlighted for the I-Man how this country’s Protestant roots have totally shifted.

“We’ve come from that to a point where today we have an African-American as President of the United States; we have a female, Italian-American Catholic as Speaker of the House; and on the Supreme Court, with this appointment, we will have of the nine members, six Catholics and three who are Jewish,” he said.

As for the one African-American on the Court, Clarence Thomas, Jeffers had only this to say: “I would gladly trade that seat to get him off and add another Jewish nominee any time, any day of the week!”

This was disappointing for Imus to hear. “Don’t be a hater,” he cautioned Jeffers. “I hate black-on-black crime.”

-Julie Kanfer

Comments

[drstevej]

My email exchange with Mr. Jeffers:

ME: As a Protestant Pastor with a masters and doctorate in American and Reformation historical theology I found your appearance on Imus today intensely offensive. I would expect one who has fought prejudice and stereo types to avoid the kind of statements you made about Baptists, Presbyterians and Episcopalians. You impressed Imus and got accolades from him as insightful. This only reinforced the stereotypes you presented as facts. Shame on you, sir. Spiritual bigotry is as bad as racial bigotry.

CJ: the notion of "spiritual bigotry" on my part is utterly absurb and ridiculous given both the context of the discussion and how the anecdote was framed. furthermore, as i properly quoted, i got that anecdote from the Rev Gardner Taylor, and if and when you have done just half as much in your life to truly fight injustice and bigotry and foster harmony and understanding then you can revisit this issue with me. but not before.
have a good day!

ME: Carl, you cited the anecdote with approval. Second-hand spiritual bigotry is no improvement.From the tone of your reply I can imagine how much you have done to promote harmony and understanding.