Imus Gives Governor Chris Christie Multiple Reasons to Fire Everybody on His Staff

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has been to 125 Bruce Springsteen concerts, and running on that platform alone probably would have gotten him elected in the Garden State.

“My wife says I need help,” Christie told Imus, who did some helping last year when he lead the Governor to victory via an appearance on this program.

However, it has since been difficult to nail Christie down for an interview, and he promised heads would roll upon his return to Trenton later today. “They can’t mess with you!” he bellowed at Imus. “You got me elected. I wouldn’t be here without you!”

He also wouldn’t be facing the prospect of raising property taxes in New Jersey, which he confirmed is inevitable despite residents voting down 58 percent of school budgets this week, the largest loss in state history.

“We’ve got to put a cap on property taxes, and we have to get teachers unions and others to step up to the plate and contribute and sacrifice,” he said, referring to teachers refusing to take a one-year pay freeze and contribute 1.5 percent of their salary to pay for their full family medical, dental, and vision health benefits.

“Everyone else is sacrificing, all across New Jersey,” said Christie, who said any hike in property taxes would be less than four percent. “Everyone’s got to step up to the plate.”

Rejected school budgets will now be further trimmed by town councils, and dissatisfied school boards can then appeal the cuts to the state’s education commissioner. Christie blamed the unwillingness of the teachers union to cooperate on its arrogance.

“They’re completely insulated” from difficult times, he said. “They’ve been getting four or five percent increases every year, despite the fact that inflation’s at zero or one percent.”

With dues of $130 million a year, the teachers union is a powerful force in New Jersey. “They bully every politician,” said Christie. “Folks have been scared to take them on.”

Ninety-four days into his term as governor, Christie likes the job, telling Imus, “I’m into it!” The biggest surprise so far has been discovering a $2.2 billion gap in the state’s budget, despite his predecessor bragging about a $500 million surplus.

Christie was also stunned to learn that Deirdre Imus was told she’d have to wait until July to meet with the Governor to discuss cleaning products in New Jersey. “Give me the number, I’m calling her myself,” Christie demanded. “I’m taking matter into my own hands. This is outrageous!”

He promised to see Deirdre next week, and that he’d fire the “imbeciles” in his office for dropping the ball on this issue too, increasing the likelihood that he’d be all alone in his office by day’s end.

A former federal prosecutor, Christie was outraged about Goldman Sachs defending their fraudulent behavior by claiming they were under no obligation to tell clients they were selling them bundles of bad mortgages.

“If that’s their defense, I wish I was still a U.S. Attorney,” said Christie. “Because I’d love to take that baby on.”

Before Christie departed, Imus handed over his wife’s home phone number and her cell phone number to ensure the Governor reaches her as soon as possible. It made Christie’s trip into New York City this morning entirely worthwhile.

“Me and Deirdre next week, it’s going to be great,” he said, and sighed. “Being Governor is great.”

-Julie Kanfer