Let's See How Upset Imus Can Make Mark Levin

Reporting live from an undisclosed location this morning, conservative radio talk show host Mark Levin—aka, The Great One—explained why he wants his country back, and just who took it away.

“We have a constitution, that’s our big tent, that’s the law of the land,” he said. “All these political hacks take an oath every time they’re elected to uphold it, and they reject it, or they ignore it. Same with certain members of the Supreme Court.”

Thus, Levin and others do not want to snatch “their” country back; they merely want the Constitution upheld. “Give us our country back by following it,” he implored.

Imus pointed out that the only people who could literally take their country back would be the Native Americans. Though he meant to be humorous, Levin seized the opportunity to attack the New York Times.

“I don’t remember the New York ‘Slimes,’ which has been around forever, railing on and on on behalf Native Americans a hundred-something years ago,” he said. “I don’t remember the New York ‘Slimes’ speaking out against Nazism and the Holocaust.”

Though agitated, Levin was not nearly as upset as Imus was hoping to make him this morning, a fact Levin owed to it being too early in the day for him to be really teed off. The full range of his anger is better displayed in the evenings, he said, after ingesting a full day’s news cycle and forgetting to eat dinner.

But once Imus mentioned President Obama’s name, Levin was off and running about why the President has no business admonishing Wall Street tomorrow.

“This President is the most financially illiterate and destructive President in American history,” said Levin, who probably wasn’t exaggerating for effect. “Now he’s going to Wall Street to tell them that we’re going to put in regulations where he and his cohorts are going to over see Wall Street?”

In his view, Obama and the people around him know next to nothing about banking or investing.

“He knew enough to take a million dollars from Goldman Sachs when he was running,” Imus pointed out, and Levin laughed, maybe for the first time ever.

In the spirit of friendship, Imus recommended Levin read Hellhound on His Trail, by Hampton Sides, about the search for Martin Luther King, Jr.’s assassin, widely believed to have been James Earl Ray. Levin was resistant to so-called “conspiracy” books, but Imus pointed out, “You’ve got nothing else to do there in the bunker.”

We’re sure he’ll think of something.

-Julie Kanfer