Curt & Shonda Schilling's New Book, "The Best Kind of Different"

More than just a baseball player and his wife, Curt and Shonda Schilling founded the Shade Foundation for melanoma research and awareness; they’re spokespeople for the ALS Association; and are the proud parents of four children, one of whom, Grant, has Asperger Syndrome. His journey and theirs is the basis for their new book, The Best Kind of Different.

Children with Asperger’s are very high functioning, Shonda explained, though they have problems in one specific area. “They don’t understand what a social bubble is,” she told Imus. “They get a little too close, they’re a little less mature than their own age. They kind of don’t realize that other people have opinions. And when you realize that the things they do are not in malice, you really see the great hearts that these kids have.”

Curt and Shonda first noticed Grant’s condition when he was around five years old and less responsive to directions and rules than his three-year old brother.  After a frustrating day trying to explain the game of football to his son, Curt told his wife that Grant, who is now 10, simply wasn’t processing anything.

“I googled ‘processing’ and autism came up,” Shonda said. Some parts of the description fit Grant, while others did not. “I put it out of my mind and I went to that doctor’s appointment, and I was all alone, and he said,  ‘He has autism spectrum disorder.’”

Shonda was flooded with guilt for having scolded a child who could not understand what he had done wrong, who giggled at her anger because he was nervous. “Then there’s the sadness of mourning the child I thought I was going to have,” she admitted.

Soon, though, there was acceptance that “not only is he an incredible heart and an incredible spirit, but he gets to live life the way you should be, and that’s with no rules.”

For instance, one of Grant’s best friends is a child with Downs Syndrome, because Grant doesn’t feel the kind of discomfort that other children might. “He goes right in and is a friend to that person,” said Shonda. “So that’s a special gift to have.”

Grant’s lack of boundaries can isolate him from his peers too. “When you’re a boy and you’re five years old, holding hands and hugging is okay,” said Curt, who has won three World Series championships. “When you’re eight or nine, it’s not cool anymore.”

Seeing their son ostracized was “heartbreaking” for the Schillings, who were also coping with Shonda’s melanoma diagnosis, and Curt being on the road all the time. Raising four kids is difficult under any circumstances, but it becomes even more challenging when one of those kids gets his way all the time.

“Something as minimal as not having the cereal he wants for breakfast in the morning can ruin his entire day,” Curt said about Grant. “And if Grant stays ruined, everybody else’s day is going to be that much worse.”

Soon, the three other kids, Garrison, Gabby, and Gehrig, realized that giving in to Grant to ensure their own happiness was not that big of a deal. In some ways, in fact, the entire family envies the kind of joy Grant gets to feel because of his Asperger’s.

“He lives every day the way Grant wants to live every day,” said Curt. “It’s something that if we could find a way to do ourselves, we’d be a lot happier.”

As for Grant’s feelings about The Best Kind of Different, Shonda recalled reading him what she wrote about his life being “true,” and how proud she was of him. “He hugged me at 110 miles per hour and he said, ‘I’m just so proud of you, and I’m so proud that you think of me that way,’” said Shonda. “It’s so powerful for a ten-year old to say that and feel free to say that.”

They dwell less on the “whys” of what happened to their son than on the “what nows” of raising him and his siblings. Pointing fingers, said Curt, “would be wasted energy.”

Besides, they’ve all got other stuff to focus on, Grant included. “If you want to know anything about any sea creature or dinosaur that’s ever lived,” said Curt, “Just ask Grant.”

-Julie Kanfer