Glenn Beck Did Not Cry This Morning. The Day is Young.

Seated at a table by himself on the opposite side of the Hard Rock Café stage from the I-Man this morning, Glenn Beck felt alone and uncomfortable, saying he would never treat the few guests he has on his Fox News show Glenn Beck so rudely.

“They wouldn’t get to talk anyway,” Imus pointed out. Beck shot back that he certainly allowed former Rep. Eric Massa to speak when he appeared on last week. He also allowed Massa to display a x-ray films on the air. It’s not a normal show. 

A few days ago, Beck made a stink (for a change) about the perversion of hope, faith, and charity in this country, and lucky for Beck, Imus was tuned into the entire hour that day.

“I think faith has been rotted from the inside,” said Beck. From people denying the existence of God to church’s preaching a vaguely defined notion of social justice, he believes the whole thing has been turned inside out.

Hope, too, has been perverted, Beck said, adding, “You can’t have hope without truth!”

Diverging wildly while maintaining an uncharacteristic sense of outward calm, Beck supposed it might not be a good idea for two recovering alcoholics—he and Imus—to spend St. Patrick’s Day in the bar at the Hard Rock Café.

“Twenty-two years I’ve been sober,” said Imus. “Today could be the day.”

Back to charity, Beck chastised Barack Obama for trying to “teach” the American people by doing away with the charitable contribution tax deduction. “We’re the most damn charitable country on the planet,” said Beck. “Don’t teach me about charity.”

He further warned Imus, “We’ve got to save ourselves before we can save the country.”

One of the ways Beck sees fit to save himself, according to his latest shenanigan, is to criticize the lyrics of Bruce Springsteen’s iconic song, “Born in the USA,” which he said is about a “broken” America that treated returning Vietnam veterans “like garbage.”

After telling Beck that the lyrics of "Born in the USA" are, well, accurate, Imus advised his guest not to pick a fight with Bruce. “It’s like picking a fight with Elvis."

He wondered why Beck, normally a dapper guy, decided it would be a good idea to wear a hat with a shamrock on it today. 

“I thought, I was coming to your show, and you’d be wearing a goofy hat like you wear on every non-holiday,” Beck quipped.

Sensing animosity, Imus felt it was time to bring up, as he usually does, how much other Fox personalities like Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly dislike Beck. “I’m the only one who loves you,” he insisted.

But Beck could see through the I-Man’s façade. “The only reason you invite me is so you can say,  ‘Watch, Charles, this is the day I’m going to wreck his career,’” Beck said.

No, Glenn. He’s going to let you take care of that yourself.

-Julie Kanfer