Imus Shares His Dreams With Chris Wallace

During an interview that at times resembled a hostage tape, a careful Chris Wallace, host of “Fox News Sunday,” said that his interview with Sarah Palin two weeks ago had gone well, despite Imus almost wrecking it for him.

“She’s a nice woman,” Imus said of Palin. “But there’s not much going on there. Don’t you agree?”

Wisely avoiding the trap this time, Wallace said, “I think she’s smart.” Palin admitted to Wallace that she was now more knowledgeable on domestic and international issues, having had some “deer in the headlights” moments during the 2008 campaign.

“I don’t think there’s any benefit to beating up on her,” Imus conceded. “But suffice it to say, I watched that interview, and I lost IQ points.”

Having also lost his patience, Imus asked Wallace his thoughts on New York Governor David Paterson, on whom the New York Times had nothing salacious to print despite rampant rumors to the contrary. 

At first confused by what Imus was talking about, Wallace defended his ignorance by saying, “I wanted to make sure we were talking about he same thing. And quite frankly, after our interview two weeks ago, I’m going to treat you like the cobra that you are.”

Referring, of course, to Imus trapping Wallace into saying he’d like Sarah Palin to sit on his lap during their chat, Wallace thus had no sympathy today for an ailing Imus.

“How about playing hurt?” said Wallace. Told that Imus was doing just that, he added, “Then don’t whine about it!”

Back to Palin, Imus wondered if it was politically expedient for her to campaign for Senator John McCain, who faces a challenge for his seat in Arizona from “that moose” J.D. Hayworth.

Depsite pressure from the far-right wing of the Republican Party, Wallace called Palin’s decision “a no-brainer,” adding that she feels deep loyalty to McCain. “I don’t think anybody ever gets in trouble for being loyal to people who were helpful to them,” Wallace concluded.

In fact, he doubts any Republican who supports will get a bad time from their peers for supporing McCain, given his history as a war hero, and his outspokenness on a number of Conservative issues.

Imus this analysis by Wallace was too safe. “You’ll barely answer my questions!” Imus barked. And yes, he wants Wallace to say something stupid, which is why he said “Don’t you agree, Chris?” after commenting that the goal of most men should be to turn women into porn stars, and not vice versa, as in the case of Tiger Woods.

“I want to pop up the Huffington Post later, and have it say, ‘Chris Wallace Says All Women Should Be Porn Stars,’” said Imus. “That’s my dream.”

-Julie Kanfer