Bo Dietl Needs Better Backup Than Imus

An as-yet-to-be-waterboarded Bo Dietl complimented the I-Man's appearance today, saying, "You keep yourself in some shape." But he lamented his pal's diminishing physique.

"You look really good, but a little too skinny for me, pal," said Bo, who for some reason wants Imus to cover his back in case they ever get into a bar brawl. Because a recovering alcoholic is someone to depend on when tensions are high in a bar.

Bo was jacked up about President Obama's decision not to hold the 9/11 terror trials in New York City as originally planned, and offered to travel to Guantanamo Bay to "flick the switch" on "those punks" himself.

"Let them line up and pray as I execute each one of them," Bo said about Khlaid Sheikh Mohammed and his buddies.

Shifting gears, Bo astutely suggested that the Federal Reserve lend directly to small businesses instead of going through the banks. He was unhappy with Obama "beating up" the banks in the last few weeks.

Imus was immediately suspicious of Bo's complaints. "It sounds like somebody has been up at Rao's with a bunch of their rich friends," he said.

Bo denied this allegation, but then conceded he had spent time this weekend with his pal Joseph Grano, a former U.S. Army Green Beret who was also the Chairman of UBS Financial Services. Grano, Bo said, has "all the answers" about how to fix the country.

"He buffoons me," said Bo, making up a verb. "He is so smart. He's the smartest man I've met in my 59 years."

When Imus observed that Grano, who once appeared on this show, was "not exactly Jeff Greenfield," Bo almost went off on Greenfield, but stopped himself at Imus's warning.

Instead, Bo brought up a New York Post article that ran last week about a burglary at his midtown office during which a bunch of guns were stolen.

"How does this thing get a full page?" Bo wondered about the Post's decision to make too much of the story. "There's a poor jeweler on Madison Avenue who gets his brains blown out, and that's on page 20."

He maintained that he didn't lose all of his guns, and in fact had one on him this morning just in case Imus got out of line. "I've got lots of ammunition," Bo said.

And just in case he needed more, Imus cut him off mid-sentence because, oh darn it, he was out of time.

-Julie Kanfer