Bill O'Reilly Calls Obama Administration (and Others) Icky Names

Ever compassionate, Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly, on learning Imus was sick, sighed and said, “What’s the matter with you now?”
 
Pinheads and Patriots, the title of O’Reilly’s latest book, is especially apt right now, he told Imus today, given the recent hullabaloo over invasive security procedures at airports, and the release of more than 250,000 classified documents by the organization Wikileaks.
 
“President Obama, for some reason, seems detached from it all,” O’Reilly said, noting that Obama’s inability to connect with average Americans is a pervasive theme in Pinheads and Patriots.
 
For example, Obama said nothing yesterday about Wikileaks, a scandal that has attracted gobs of attention all around the world for days. “The whole country’s talking about how now we can’t guard any secrets, how everything that’s said is going to be out on some website,” O’Reilly said. “And then the President of the United States doesn’t even mention it?”
 
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Eric Holder addressed the matter publicly, but O’Reilly noted their tone was, well, deaf. “The whole crew comes off as very, very synthetic,” he said. “Not real people.”
 
Unlike our two previous Presidents, one of whom was “bumbling around, trying to find his words,” and the other who “did stuff human beings do,” O’Reilly likened the Obama crew to Stepford Wives. “Who made these people? Where did they come from?”
 
Depending on logistics, O’Reilly flies both commercially and privately. As for the pat-downs and full-body scanners some Americans find a bit too personal, he said, “It doesn’t matter to me. I go through the little naked machine if they want, I don’t have anything to hide.”
 
He understands, however, people’s anger. “Not one terrorist in ten years has been caught at the airport, outside of the people that charge you 18 dollars for a cup of coffee,” O’Reilly said, eliciting a giggle from the I-Man. “Random searches will stop terrorists from trying to get this stuff on board.”
 
O’Reilly commented recently on the irony that Fox shows like The Simpsons take shots at Fox News, which, according to him, “is basically paying the bills.”
 
“Fox News makes so much money that it carries a lot of the other divisions of News Corporation, including the broadcast division,” he said.
 
As for our small slice of the Fox world, Imus wondered if O’Reilly’s regular appearances here would continue over the next few weeks. “I’ll try to help you out,” O’Reilly said, noting that if Bernard wants him there, he’ll be on.
 
“I don’t really care what you want,” he callously told Imus. “You’re always sick.”
 
It’s not an inaccurate statement.
 
-Julie Kanfer