Blonde on Blonde: Turkeys, Tofurkeys, and Jane Fonda

Imus started things off on a pleasant note today, telling Deirdre Imus and Lis Wiehl that they both looked fabulous for today’s Blonde on Blonde segment. Bernard, however, quickly debased the situation by exclaiming, “Make out!”
 
Things went even further down the tubes when talk turned to Sarah Palin’s new reality show “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” where in a scene from last week’s episode, Palin and her family go fishing, catch a fish, and proceed to beat the hell out of it.
 
“Fishes have feeling too, and fishes can feel pain,” Imus said, even though Lis, a Harvard-educated attorney, instructed him that the plural of “fish” is “fish.”
 
Deirdre condemned Palin’s actions, but Lis, who grew up in hunting territory in Washington state, pointed out that Palin’s method of fish-killing is actually presumed to be the more humane one. “They’re going to be in a lot less pain once she clubs them to death,” Lis said of the fish.
 
The jury is still out, however, on whether beating a fish is more offensive than beating the meat, as Imus eloquently put it. Then he promptly asked his non-vegetarian guest what she would be putting up her dead turkey’s butt.
 
Lis will fill her bird with stuffing, and she’ll also make some cranberry sauce from scratch, as well as a “nice, green salad,” as if that last item would placate Deirdre’s rage.
 
“I’m going to prepare a super healthy, organic meal,” Deirdre said. “And you don’t need to have meat at that meal.”
 
It turns out neither woman was feeling very giving as the day of thanks approached: Lis will not make special food for vegetarians at her Thanksgiving table, and Deirdre would not accommodate a carnivore. In fact, Deirdre wouldn’t even allow meat in her home at all, period, end of sentence.
 
Appalled that her friend would so strongly shun tradition, Lis wondered what would happen if she, a close pal, showed up at the Imus home with a turkey sandwich. “We could walk it outside and give it to a homeless person,” Deirdre declared.
 
As the holiday season rapidly approaches, both women declared their support for Santa Claus. In fact, Deirdre, who believes in “the spirit of Santa Claus” shared that as a child, she had an imaginary elf friend who would visit each year at Christmastime.
 
“Was it Lupica?” Imus said.
 
Hurtful remarks like that might make Deirdre wonder why she got married in the first place, and she wouldn’t be alone: a recent TIME Magazine article reported that nearly 50 percent of people polled in a recent survey think marriage is obsolete.
 
Lis thinks the notion that women “need” marriage is insulting, not to mention antiquated, since they no longer rely on men to bring home the bacon (or, in the Imus household, the tofurkey).
 
“I think a lot of people…don’t want to commit anymore,” a happily married Deirdre said. “It’s hard to make commitments because then you have to be loyal, you have to be honest, you have to have integrity, and, frankly, a lot of people don’t want to live to those standards anymore.”
 
Standards of a different kind—like decency—should have been applied, in some people’s view, to a recent photo spread featuring actresses “of a certain age,” like the 72-year old Jane Fonda and the 64-year old Susan Sarandon, in sultry poses.
 
Though Deirdre, clearly not an ageist, applauded these women for celebrating their sexuality, her husband took a different view. The cutoff age for this sort of behavior, he said, should be 25 years old.
 
“After that, put some clothes on,” he said tactfully. “Okay, sweetheart?”
 
-Julie Kanfer