Bo Dietl Tries to Retain Imus's Attention

On the eve of Election Day, Bo Dietl saw fit to discuss explosives, Imus’s tenure in the Marine Corps, and the impregnation techniques of horses.
 
First, Bo warned Imus of the dangers emanating from Yemen lately, most recently in the form of bombs concealed in packages mailed to synagogues in Chicago. “A lot of people don’t realize…this group there has about 500 Al-Qaeda guys, the largest group outside of Afghanistan,” Bo said of Yemen, and pointed out that the mailed explosives contained PETN, the same material used by “the ball bag bomber” on Christmas last year in a failed attempt to blow up a plane over Detroit.
 
Disturbed, Imus asked Bo a prescient follow-up question: “Do the cuffs on your suit jacket unbutton?” Told they do, Imus said, “It’s stupid to have buttons.”
 
It’s also stupid, in Bo’s view to reelect Tom DiNapoli comptroller of New York State. “We know what DiNapoli did with this state—put us in a toilet bowl!” Bo said, and endorsed Harry Wilson, a former hedge fund guy, for the job.
 
Bo dined last week with some former Marines at Don Pepe’s in Ozone Park, Queens, his home turf, and told Imus, “They all asked about you, Don!”
 
They probably didn’t ask about the time Imus and a fellow Marine named Tom Hartman, from Oklahoma, stole a star off their Marine Commandant’s Jeep at Camp Pendleton, put the star on Hartman’s Buick, and drove it into town.
 
“I got office hours for that,” Imus recalled. “Which is preliminary to a court-martial.”
 
ZenyattaHaving educated himself via 60 Minutes last night, Bo was fascinated to learn about a racehorse named Zenyatta. “You’re horse man,” he told Imus. “You know how to feed them, you know how to vibrate them.”
 
As such, Bo expected Imus to understand his excitement at watching Zenyatta, a female who has won all 19 races in which she has competed, race for the Breeder’s Cup this weekend at Churchill Downs in Kentucky.
 
“They talk about this horse being better than Secretariat!” Bo said, beaming. Following the Breeder’s Cup, he reported, Zenyatta will be “stud-itated,” and “pound-itated,” according to Bo, so that “she can have little babies.”
 
A little too happy about the idea of one horse mounting another, Bo was sorely disappointed when Imus broke the news, “It’s a turkey baster deal now.”
 
Bad news for Bo. Better news for Zenyatta.
 
-Julie Kanfer