Terry Bradshaw and I-Man Issue Empty Threats, then Laugh at One Another

Terry Bradshaw, the former football great, is one of few Imus in the Morning guests who refused to provide his five favorite songs. The problem? He has way more than five. But if he had to pick just one, it’d be a song written by his daughter and performed by country artist Jared Neiman, called “What Do You Want.”

If Imus were to pick Bradshaw’s favorite songs, they’d all be cuts from an unfortunate and hilarious album Bradshaw released in the 1970s. “You’ve got to stop playing some of my songs!” Bradshaw hollered at Imus. “That’s a habit you need to break.”

Imus recently broke the habit of wearing his cowboy hat on the air, a move that concerned Bradshaw, who noted, “You’ve got a face for radio, I don’t know why you keep doing TV.”

If not for the fact that his shoulder was ailing, Imus would be on the next flight out to wherever Bradshaw is located to whip his butt. “Now you’ve got a bad shoulder?” Bradshaw, a Fox Sports analyst and host, said.  “What’s that from? Carrying your wife’s baggage around?”

Speaking of that, Imus would prefer Bradshaw stop calling Deirdre all the time. “I’m only returning phone calls,” he said. “I would not hit on another man’s wife. Even though she digs me.”

Bradshaw does not dig Miami Dolphins defensive end Kendall Langford, who, for some insane reason, wore a $50,000 diamond earring to practice recently and lost it. Bradshaw had zero sympathy for this moron, considering that when he played in the NFL in the 1970s, he sold used cars during the off-season just so he could afford his apartment.

“After the first Superbowl we won, I made 2,500 dollars from a drug store in Houston, Texas doing a store opening,” he said. “And I had to drive myself down there.”

Times have certainly changed, and players like Michael Vick and more recently, Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who was accused of sexual harassment and subsequently suspended from the first six games of the 2010 season, often find themselves in much-publicized hot water.

“I pull for him, because we want our people to be good citizens in our sport, we don’t want them having problems,” Bradshaw, who was publicly critical of Roethlisberger, said. He added, “I don’t like being mean and hateful to people, but sometimes I get so emotional about things.”

This soliloquy continued for a few more minutes, and The I-Man could barely get a word in edgewise, which Bradshaw mistakenly thought was a good thing. “If you’ve got someone else on the other end of the line that just keeps on talking, you don’t have to show everybody just how ill-prepared you are for the interview,” he explained.

keep your wiener to yourselfMinnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre has gotten into some trouble recently, with female sideline reporters claiming he hit on them and sent him pictures of “his wiener,” as Imus delicately put it, when he played for the New York Jets.

“You’ve got to be so careful,” Bradshaw said. “I honestly want to sit in a corner somewhere on this ranch, and put my thumb in my mouth. I’m so afraid to move. You never know who’s sitting out there!”

Now that’s something we’d pay to see.

-Julie Kanfer