Imus Interviews Some People, i.e. Bo Dietl

Bo Dietl was upset this morning that so much attention was being given the threat of terrorist attacks at public viewing places in Europe—“i.e., the Eiffel Tower, the Tower of London”—that people might forget the United States is still a very real target.   

All Imus heard, however, was Bo’s usage of the term “i.e.,” which means “for example.” Shocked that the normally non-verbose Bo would use “i.e.,” Bo promised he’d further surprise Imus with his vocabulary skills, provided Imus continued having Bo as a guest on this show.

“I’m just kind of curious,” Imus said. “You’ve been on the program for 24 years, so how would we get rid of you exactly, particularly now that you behave yourself, and don’t say icky stuff that gets me in trouble?”

Unable to find an answer, or an “i.e.,” to Imus’s question, Bo tried to answer another: How does he feel about Carl Paladino, the Republican gubernatorial candidate in New York?

“I’ll be honest with you,” Bo began, but never finished his thought. Instead, he was chastised for using a turn of phrase that often indicates one was not being honest prior to that point.

Of course, Imus only knows this because Warner Wolf, who once took an FBI interrogation class, told him about it. “Stop, it Warner,” Bo said. “Don’t attack my integrity and my educational value of interrogation.”

Having established, well, nothing, Bo told Imus he likes Andrew Cuomo, the Democrat running for Governor of New York, because “We need a tough leader!” He dislikes Paladino personally attacking his opponent, as he did last week when he accused Cuomo of stepping out on his now ex-wife while the two were married.

“At least get it straight,” Imus observed, referring to the fact that Cuomo’s ex-wife Kerry Kennedy was allegedly the one having affairs. Paladino’s accusations, which have not been substantiated, were brought under fire last week by New York Post reporter Fred Dicker, whom Paladino subsequently threatened to “take out.”

“He’s gotta cool it down,” Bo said. “He sounds like Bo running for governor. That’s something I would say.”

In all fairness, Bo is pretty bummed that his guy David Paterson, New York’s current Governor, isn’t running for election. “This guy has a heart of gold,” said Bo, who dines frequently with Paterson.

Though, as Imus pointed out, the controversy-prone Paterson has caused some of his own problems, as we are all wont to do. Flustered, Bo replied, “Do I walk on a clear bubble of happiness?”

Maybe that’s where he learned about “i.e.”

-Julie Kanfer