Blonde on Blonde: Sex, Drugs, and Chicken?

Wyatt Imus had approved his mother’s outfit this morning, but the elder Mr. Imus was somewhat less admiring of his wife’s attire. “How about putting some clothes on when you come to work?” he said, obviously upset about Deirdre’s low-cut, sleeveless look for today’s edition of Blonde on Blonde.
 
Deirdre and her buddy Lis Wiehl took on the love life of another blonde this morning—songstress Taylor Swift, whose latest album Speak Now includes a song about her ill-fated relationship with man-whore John Mayer.
 
“It’s a beautiful song,” Deirdre said of the track, entitled Dear John. “Because most young girls, teenagers that listen to her, can totally relate to that because they’ve been there: going after that guy, or been with that guy they were warned about but they couldn’t resist.”
 
Of course, that never happened to either Blonde; Lis was “too busy studying” in high school, and Deirdre steered clear of “skanky guys.” Thus, their shared opinion on whether marijuana should be legalized in California was not surprising.
 
“Absolutely not,” Lis, a lawyer, said, explaining that if passed on Election Day, the law, known as Proposition 19, would legalize up to an ounce of marijuana and 25 square feet in which to grow “your stuff.”
 
A former prosecutor, Lis testified today that even though it’s a cliché, pot really is a gateway drug. “You see them come in with just a little bit of pot,” she said of criminals. “And if they’re not caught at that point, then it goes into coke, then it goes into more things, then they have to feed the coke and other habits by robbing the banks.”
 
Having, well, been there, done most of that, Imus disagreed. “Smoking dope doesn’t lead to heroine, or cocaine, or anything,” he said, and asked his wife for an example of a stupid person she knows who smokes pot.
 
“They’re all your friends,” she smirked, and observed that her pro-drug husband shouldn’t be in favor of legalizing anything that can be smoked, given the damage already done to his lungs. 
 
Lis chimed in, “You should be the poster boy for not smoking.”
 
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and while Deirdre lauded the efforts of companies that bring attention to the cause by making their products pink, she thinks the whole charade has become irresponsible.
 
“Alcohol bottles have the pink on it, buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken in a pink bucket,” she said. “A lot of these foods, we already know, are the cause or trigger to getting cancer.”
 
She complained that merely making everything pink is “not good enough,” but Lis believes, “It’s a start.”
 
And don’t get Deirdre started on Halloween candy, which Lis will allow her kids to eat. “And then they’re in a diabetic coma?” Deirdre said, noting that Wyatt does not gorge himself on Snickers and Milk Duds every October 31.
 
“You know what Wyatt’s going to do when he’s old enough?” Imus said, finally afforded the opportunity to speak. “Kill us.”
 
-Julie Kanfer