Craig Crawford Thinks Outhouses Are Glamorous

A confused Craig Crawford, loyal RFD-TV viewer and blogger at CQPolitics.com, was disappointed that yesterday's Imus in the MorningI was re-airing today, the result of satellite problems. But he vowed to continue watching.

"They've been doing the Asian Tiger Mosquito thing," he said about RFD. "I don't know if they're behind or ahead- did that come before swine flu or after?"

Then, admitting he was holding back from making fun of the swine flu because it could be "real serious," Crawford quoted one of the contributors to his blog.

"He made the point that 'the swine flew' would have been a good thing to call those financiers who took our money and ran!" said Crawford, who then shared a plight of one of his other blog followers (with whom he clearly has way too much interaction), whose father was in the Boston regiment of Patton's Army in World War II.

"They liberated a concentration camp, and they can't get the Army to recognize them!" said Crawford, adding that Sen. Edward Kennedy's office was trying to help. "It's for the historical record, and giving them the recognition they ought to get."

Imus promised to broach the issue with Senator John Kerry, scheduled to appear in the next hour. For now, Crawford asked people to visit www.CraigCrawford.com for more information, and to support official liberator status for this heroic regiment.

Having recently watched the movie Slumdog Millionaire, Crawford said some of the scenes were too graphic for him, like one that takes place in an outhouse in India. Oddly, this brought to mind a family memory.

"I had relatives in Kentucky who had an outhouse, and I thought it was the coolest thing ever," Crawford recalled. "I thought only rich people could have something like that-a whole house devoted to nothing but your bathroom!"

Crawford has a new series on his blog called "The Lazy Man's Guide," the most recent installment of which featured tips for how to lazily barbecue a chicken. Imus does not eat meat, but guzzles Habanera peppers like a crazy person in an attempt to kill the cancer cells in his prostate.

"I invented a drink with Habanera peppers, I call it the Stingray," said Crawford, to the shock of none. "I marinate Habanera peppers in vodka-outdoors-for a couple of days, just set it outside in the sun and mix it with grapefruit juice."

Touching on just one news story of the day, Imus observed that because of the swine flu outbreak, President Obama was gong to name "that tax-dodging crook from Kansas" Kathleen Sebelius as Secretary of Health and Human Services today.

When Crawford tried to defend Sebelius, Imus shot back, "She should be in prison, and have to eat your barbecue chicken, and drink that Habanera cocktail!"

-Julie Kanfer