Carl Jeffers Has A New Nickname

In a strange turn of events, Carl "Two Questions" Jeffers became Carl "Have you lost your mind" Jeffers, because he had, in Imus's view, gone completely insane.

First of all, Carl, Imus discovered you, so don't be going on other shows with people like Neil Cavuto. Second, do not defend the Secret Service.

"The United States Secret Service is not a party planning franchise business," said Jeffers, defending the department against allowing two uninvited guests into last week's state dinner at the White House. "It was the social department or secretary that fouled up there, and the reality is, I believe it was mostly because it was their first state dinner."

Imus, however, assigns full blame to the Secret Service on the basis that "you can't let somebody on the White House grounds with a President who's getting 400 times the threats that the last one got!"

This security lapse was further proof for the I-Man that "they don't know what the hell they're doing there at the White House." The Secret Service's initial reaction — to say President Obama was never in any danger — was just "jerkin' our chain," Imus said.

Eager to reach a consensus, Jeffers backed off slightly, saying there are "issues" that the Secret Service should address, but that he faults the White House personnel responsible for planning the event.

"Are you drunk?" Imus bellowed. "I love you to death, but this is their fault." He went on and on for a few more minutes, and then stopped himself. "Why am I getting all upset?" he wondered. "I gotta calm down."

President Obama will detail his plans for Afghanistan this evening, and Jeffers is giving him the benefit of the doubt, too.

"The President is doing the right thing in Afghanistan, if all the Generals concede that this is the way to make progress there," Jeffers said about the expected announcement to increase troop levels by around 35,000.

He applauded Obama for taking his time to reach a verdict, because "He would have been pilloried around the country for making the decision too quickly without any experience."

Afghanistan, he insisted, is now Obama's war. And he should be prepared to deal with how its success, or lack thereof, will affect next year's midterm elections. By contrast, he thinks results will be visible by 2012, in time for Obama to win a second term.

Imus was left with just one more question: "What is wrong with you?"

-Julie Kanfer