Mary Matalin Says Hurtful Things About Imus's President

Mary Matalin congratulated Imus on his new Fox Business Network gig, but offered sympathy to Sandra Smith, the lovely young woman who has been assigned the unfortunate task of providing business reports for Imus in the Morning.

"I think Sandra Smith and all the other people in this building, at this early juncture, love the I-Man," said Imus, unfortunately referring to himself in the third person.

He supposed that Matalin, a Republican strategist who worked with no less than the sinister Dick Cheney, was thrilled at President Obama's worldwide embarrassment when the 2016 Olympics went to Rio de Janeiro instead of Chicago.

"It is illustrative," said Matalin. "Everyone's attacking Conservatives for pointing out what the whole world is beginning to see, which is that there is only an Obama effect. There is no Obama reality."

She called the President "a political Potemkin village," who was only elected into office so that "the whole world would love us again and do our bidding." No one begrudged Obama making a pitch for his home city, Matalin said, but to presume his mere presence would hold such sway over the International Olympic Committee was, in her view, indicative of his Messiah complex.

"This is unbelievable how you're attacking our President," Imus told his friend of twenty years. "This is very beneath you, Mary."

But she soldiered on, telling Imus that even "wing nuts" like herself had put faith in Obama initially. Now, however, he's fallen faster than any President in polling history.

"To govern is to choose," she said. "And he won't choose!"

Even Congressman Anthony Weiner, a Democrat from New York, described Obama as "civil," which Matalin thought proved her point. But really, it did something else.

"I like to hear you say 'weiner,'" Imus said. "This has made our day."

Imus asked Matalin what Senator John McCain would have done different as President.

"He probably would not have let Iran jerk us around they way we're being jerked around," said Matalin. "He probably would have given greater coherent listening to his own hand-appointed generals."

Ever the loyalist, Matalin refuted Imus's claims that her pals Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Mark Levin, and Glenn Beck all hate each other and resent each other's success.

"This is sad," said Imus. "No wonder you worked for Cheney and Bush — you'll drink any kind of Kool Aid!"

-Julie Kanfer