Laura Ingraham Wields More Power Than The United States of America

Laura Ingraham had Halloween on the brain today, and shared with Imus what she'll be dispensing to local children when they ring her doorbell.

"I'm giving out Almond Joys wrapped in pages of the Obama-care bill, because I want a trick and a treat to go in each bag," said Ingraham, one of the most popular radio hosts in the country and also a Fox News Channel regular. "I promise you, they'll choke on it just like we're going to choke on the health care bill."

Maureen Dowd's column today complains about President Obama's male-only golf buddies, leading Ingraham to conclude that such talk of "girl power" should be over.

"People say liberals are about tomorrow, they're about the future, and innovation, and technology, and cool solutions," she said mockingly. "But this ... is an old narrative that matters to the lives of no one. And they wonder why people are starting not to take them seriously, including, I might add, the Taliban."

Imus was disappointed that a friend of his had accused him of "selling out" to Fox by booking Republican Gubernatorial Candidate Chris Christie on the program tomorrow.

"Why did we book him to appear on the program? Because he's fat, that's one," said Imus. "And because there's some slight chance he could beat the other dirtbag there in New Jersey, Jon Corzine."

The bottom line, Ingraham observed, is that despite what they preach, Democrats do not want a real exchange of ideas. "The thought they were going to be able to ram stuff through, and the public was just going to be so enamored of Michelle's arms and Barack's smile on the cover of Men's Health that we were just going to say, 'Aren't they a wonderful family? Go ahead and remake America!'" said Ingraham. "But people care! And Fox covers things people care about."

No one instructed Imus how to run his show or how to think when he came over to the Fox Business Network. "It's insanity!" he yelled. Since Imus's arrival, by the way, Fox Business's ratings have soared, which is more than some other networks can say.

"CNN is essentially where the Home Shopping Network is in ratings," said Ingraham. "Anderson Cooper 360? 360 is the number of viewers that tune in on a nightly basis."

Ingraham wasn't sure who revealed to The New York Times that Afghan President Hamid Karzai's corrupt brother was on the CIA payroll, but she did know this: America is on the decline.

"What we're seeing with Obama's soft power approach to solving problems is that whatever it gets us, it's not getting us right now a lot of respect," she said, adding that people no longer fear America. "If we can't get Scotland not to release the Lockerbie bomber, what power do we have?"

Before he said goodbye, Imus told his guest what power she has: "We can still watch you on television with the sound off."

-Julie Kanfer