Paul Begala Insults The Entire State of Oklahoma

The Democratic strategist and card-carrying Communist Paul Begala checked in with Imus today before jetting off to Dallas, Texas, where he, his wife, and his four sons will cheer on the University of Texas Longhorns against the University of Oklahoma Sooners.

"They always play at a neutral field, The Cotton Bowl, because it's equidistant," said Begala, a Texas native. "For you Oklahoma listeners out there, that means just about the same length of distance."

Imus was uncomfortable with Begala's negative attitude, but it only got worse.

"The first joke all of my children ever learned was, how come Texas didn't break off and float into the Gulf of Mexico?" he said. "Because OU sucks."

Having disparaged a portion of Imus's audience, Begala moved on to the question of what President Obama should do on Afghanistan. Having reread General Stanley A. McChrystal's report twice yesterday, Begala was most concerned that the acronym GIORA (Government of the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan) appears 99 times in the 66-page report.

The problem with McChrystal's strategy of increasing troop levels by 40,000, Begala said, is that it depends on the existence of a capable Afghani government. Adding more troops would improve security, but does little to solve the political dilemma.

"I don't know if the Karzai government is redeemable, I don't know if we can have a functioning government there," said Begala. "I don't know if we can build a nation there, and if you can't, all the troops in the world aren't going to help."

He thinks the administration will ultimately split the difference, and will probably send about half of the 40,000 troops McChrystal requested. Begala is comforted by the idea that Obama is working with the "very best people" to reach a solution in Afghanistan.

"They're debating it honestly, with a real clarity of focus," he said. "That's a big difference from the Bush administration, where our goal was this vague, general notion that 'We'll rid the world of evil!'"

In related news, Begala was unwilling to admit that Obama has no idea what he's doing.

"I love you to death, but this is how you lose your credibility," Imus told Begala, who held the correct view on the "look" given by Michelle Obama to her husband following his dance with singer Thalia at a White House event this week.

"It reminded me of a country song I liked during my old days in the White House," he said. "It's too hot to fish, it's too hot for golf, but it's too cold at home!"

-Julie Kanfer